I've always been an expressive and emotional person. While I wouldn't necessarily call myself an extrovert, I have always had an itch for sharing my thoughts and stories with others. Normally, this sort of sharing would be reserved for my friends over a lunch that accidentally takes five hours; but the same way we run out of hours in a day, there are also some topics I know my friends would rather not discuss with me. I have always had the little voice in my head that wishes I was famous or at least relevant enough for an audience of people to care and listen to me -I credit Hannah Montana for instilling that dream in me.
My parents have tried to convince me to write a one woman show, become an influencer (on any platform, though probably not Snapchat for no other reason besides their unfamiliarity with it), or try basically any method there is to get myself "out there." I appreciate their confidence in me and how genuinely they believe that I can be funny and entertaining, but I am not fully convinced that any of those paths are right for me. I don't think I'd be comfortable enough; it's hard for me to tell if that means I'm uncomfortable with myself or the fact that I'd be sort of vulnerable and exposed. This is ironic considering my passion for musical theatre, where I must stand in front of people and be both vulnerable and exposed. But I can try to explain that another day. I (clearly) ended up considering my parents' points because why not? I have lots of things to say so I might as well say them.
This blog/journal/page might end up completely unread by anyone other than myself and probably my parents - if they actually end up reading the whole thing. In that scenario, I could always use this to look back on my life. To look back on my thoughts and discoveries , perhaps by writing I could turn this into a self care journaling experience as well. This option felt safest to me considering the point is simply to write and share my perspectives and opinions in a space where I don't have to worry about someone not understanding or listening, because it is none of my business. Whatever people (you?) get out of this post or this blog has nothing to do with me and everything to do with their interpretation of it. So I'm going to chose to not worry if people will understand me or not because that's not up to me!
I've grown to learn that one of my favorite things (if not my actual favorite thing) about people is how we are complex and capable of understanding and empathizing - whether we chose to or not. I've ended up on the side of the spectrum that is often told that we empathize "too much." But that might be a chat for another day. I hope that by sharing the thoughts that leave me spiraling, the things that bring me joy, and the things people don't like to hear me say out loud, whoever is curious enough to read whatever it is I'm brave enough to type up and put on the internet might get something out of it. Ideally I'd like to become braver and better as well.
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